In the last few months I’ve been paying a certain degree of attention to the way it feels when I’m scared. It sounds weird. But I’ve been noticing the different feelings I get when I’m scared in different ways.
If I’m about to hit another car and narrowly avoid destruction the back of my hands prickle for a few seconds.
If I think I’m in trouble (ex. getting grounded as a kid) my throat feels really tight.
If I’m convinced that someone’s in my house with a knife, or if I’m stuck at the Metra train station at 10 pm and a homeless man is violently yelling in the bathroom (yes, that happened last night) the back of my neck feels really hot (sometimes accompanied by what I can only describe as a “buzzy” feeling– like static electricity is sitting on my skin– on my scalp.
But when i think about the shit that’s been going on Mother Earth? And how fearful I am that she’s going to cave in on me, blow me up, sweep me away, or let me bake and starve to death pretty soon? Holy Hell. That is quite a feeling. I feel nauseous. My stomach gets that nervous drop, but it stays dropped. My whole FACE gets the “Buzzy” feeling. I shake. My skin gets hot, particularly my arms.
It’s the most overwhelming sense of dread. While Haiti made me feel terrible for the Haitians, I’ve been (along with anyone that cares to give it a second thought) thinking that there’s not such thing as Earthquake season. That doesn’t exist. Earth is in trouble. I think Earth has AIDS. Or Melanoma or something. It’s not good.
I think it’s safe to say “Oh Shit”. Or “We’re in trouble”.
On the bright side, enjoy what you’ve got! Who the hell knows when we’ll be without the things we have now!